Life and Scrapping

Test results...

Finally i can find the time and energy to give you another update about the test results i got last Wednesday.  The tumor is completely removed, and the cancer hasn't spread! So that's very very good news! The tumor was a very nasty one, and 1.8 cm big, so i do need chemotherapy. Next Wednesday i've got another appointment at the hospital to talk about that treatment with the internist-oncologist. 

Somehow i don't feel very relieved just jet that the cancer hasn't spread. My mind is already busy thinking about the next step to fight this disease... to say i'm not looking forward to the chemo is the biggest understatement in the history of the human race!! But i know it is necessary, and hopefully i can find the strength to go through it!

But for now it's still recovery time for me... i've got to focus on getting my strength and health back, because i'm still weak and tired from the surgery. I started today with some relaxation exercises, because my shoulders and torso are still very tense. Man, i looked like a very old women when i tried the first few moves... i laughed and cried at the same time, i felt so clumsy and out of shape! Ah well, it will get better by the day!

And this day was not a bad one! Marsha came to visit, and brought me a lovely My Minds Eye paper kit and the very cute Maya Road kraft envelopes!

I'm thinking of doing a Christmas album like Ali's this year... i love projects like these, especially at the Holiday season, and the thought of  creating it makes me happy already! And this will be a very memorable December month for me and my family, and i think it's a very good idea to capture as much of it on paper as i can. So, this paper kit will be perfect for it! With some older matching X-mas paper from my stash (yes, and maybe some new stuff, if i can make it to the SB store... i would love to do a little shopping in the nearby future...) it will make the perfect base for a nice album!

The rest of  my day was good too: i've got my appetite back, and was able to eat a bunch of healthy things, i went for a little walk, enjoyed my new Sting cd again, had a good nap after lunch, visited my dear fiend Mari, and now i'm sitting cozy in my studio typing this post and listening to the Diva Craft Lounge! And i'm enjoying myself... and feeling normal for a while! And that's very nice!

Well, i'm off now... maybe i can find some materials in my stash that i can use for the Christmas album cover! Feel free to leave a comment! I love to hear from you!

ups and downs...

Yesterday i planned to make pictures of all those flowers i got when i was in hospital and the lovely bouquets i got for my B-day... planned to print them and make a page with all that pinkish delight...

But this morning was busy:  calling my colleagues at work, taking a shower and getting dressed (that takes me like 45 min. at least, now i have to be so careful with moving around), a doctors visit at home,  making sure i got to eat and drink enough... oh, and not to mention taking all my pills on time...  and when i wanted to take my camera out to capture that sea of flowers that i now my living-room , i was too tired...

So i sat on the couch, and started to feel a bit sad and gloomy... worrying about the results of the tests i'm getting Wednesday... feeling so clumsy... hating the fact that i need a lot of help around the house... and i cried for a while... and finally i went to bed to try to get some sleep... and that didn't work out... just too tense to relax...

Ah well, ups and downs... that's how it will be for a while... and i tell myself that that is just oké...

So, that pinkish flower page has to wait... maybe tomorrow will be a better day!

Hope to see you then?

40!!

Hi there, a big hello from the studio! Yes, it's amazing but true... last Tuesday i had the surgery and on Friday i came home! I walked out of the hospital (no help needed) like a diva, with my arms full of flowers. A diva with one real and one fake boob.

And yesterday i celebrated my 40th birthday, with my parents and a few close friends. And i got very spoiled... got a white 19" flat screen tv with build in dvd player for my bedroom, and lot's and lot's of cards and flowers! It looks and smells like a flower shop in our living room right now!

So, from the bottom of my hart: thank you all for your support, warm wishes, and good vibes you're sending me! It seems like the sun literally pours through my letter- or email box every time there's a mail or flower delivery! It means só much to me and my husband, it lifts our spirit and we feel very very blessed with all of you!

Oke, back to the info you all want to know... the surgery went well, but was very tough. Waking up from the anesthesia was hard (the nurses told me that i was very restless and didn't want to lay down, but i can't remember a thing about that) and it took me almost two days to get back on my feet in a way you can call steady. The pain was bearable most of the time and fortunately i didn't need morphine (that can make you sick).  The last two nights sleeping was a problem (could not lay comfortable on my back) but that's going much better now i'm home.

My dear friends lent me a few big pillows (thanks guys!!) and Gerard put one under my mattress. And when i go to sleep he puts a few smaller ones around me for support, and he makes a hot-water bottle to soften the tension in my shoulder. So i lay down every night like a princess! 

I manage to do more and more everyday, with as top result today: making a blog post!

Well, time to go to sleep now! If i can manage i'll be back tomorrow!

Almost D-day...

While listening to George Michaels soft voice on his marvelous cd 'Older', and with D-day around the corner, i've been working this morning i my studio on another page... i'm so glad that i can still set my mind on other things than being ill and that operation that i'm going to have tomorrow!

I've always feared the idea that i would completely lose myself  when i would be confronted with very bad circumstances... well, having breast cancer fits that picture perfect, but as these last week went by i noticed that i'm still 'alive and kicking',  so to speak... not lost at all (so happy about that) and still able to enjoy the things i like...

For the hardcore scrappers among you... yes, it's inspired on one of Donna's art journal pages! This one, to be exact! I liked the painted background and the book text behind that bookplate... my painted background was a bit to strong, so i covered the whole paper canvas with a sheet of vellum, and that was just perfect!

And a page is not finished without a bunch of eyelets and some stitching on it... so there you have it...

For you who wonder how i got through this last week, here's a little update...

I cleaned my whole house, did loads and loads of laundry (so everything is clean), put some new plants on the bedroom balcony (so i have a nice view when i get home after the surgery), i re-decorated my bedroom (we have long cream colored curtains now that match our walls and bedlinen, a few pots and plants, a vintage hook on the door for bathrobes and a ditto etagaire on the dresser to keep everything tidy), had my hair cut and bought some new pj's, a bathrobe and matching slippers (yes Mika, all pink!!) so i can look my best (as far as that goes) in the hospital...

So, that kept me quite occupied, and actually it was nice to make everything a comfortable as possible for this next stage that we're about to enter... this afternoon i'm having a last examination in the hospital. They're going to inject some radio active fluid into the tumor, and that's going to spread through my glands within a few hours. And when that's done they take a few ex-rays, so the surgeon nows which gland he has to take out tomorrow to find out if the cancer has spread. 

Tomorrow morning Gerard's bringing me to the hospital again, at 7 o'clock sharp. At 8.00 i'm going to have the surgery. Oh man, i hope and hope and hope that al goes well, that they can do the reconstruction as planned and that i won't wake up flat! Keep your fingers crossed for me, okay?

We expect that i'll be home on Saturday, my 40th birthday! I definitely want to celebrated that day (not sure to what extend, but well see about that then) and i noticed that there's a gift smuggled in the house already (right under my nose)...

Well, time to get ready for hospital... getting really nervous now!

See you back in a week!

Update...

Time has flown by since my last post... the phone is ringing several times a day, the postman drops cards on my doormat every time he passes our house, several friends payed me a visit, i had several calls from my surgeon, i slept in a few times because i was só very tired all of a sudden, and i scrapped...

The first week after i was diagnosed with breast cancer my head went into overdrive... só many things to worry about, think about, fear about... like i was in some horrified roller coaster ride... so i took out my inks and paints, some paper and canvas, took a snapshot of myself (not a very uplifting one, but it was very honest and 'in the moment') and went to work in the studio...

It's not a typical 'PJ page', but it worked for me... the color red seemed somehow very appropriate to use and that round canvas piece accepted many layers of ink and crackle paint without any protest... 

Even my sewing machine could handle all that red paint... so there it is, all captured on that piece of inked paper... staring me in the face... and i can look at it and worry about it again and again, but also leave it there (for now)... and that's just what i'd hoped for...

Anyway, a few updates... so far my surgeon think chances are good that the cancer has not spread yet to my glands... on October 27th i'm going to have an operation... they will take my 'bad' breast away and do a direct reconstruction (if all goes well) and take out one gland to check if it's clean...  the chances are good that i won't be needing radiotherapy, but it's very likely that i need chemo when i'm recovered from the surgery... just as a precaution because of the size of the tumor etc...  of course there are no guarantees... this is just what the medical team thinks right now... we will know for sure what needs to be done when they've examined the tumor after the surgery...

Tomorrow i'm meeting with one of the special Mama-care nurses who will talk me through the details of the surgery etc. Not something i'm looking forward too...

And on a more personal note... we're doing kind of oké here... the last few days were less stressful than the beginning of the week... my appetite is returning, and Gerard is spoiling me with biological and vega dishes that he prepares specially for me! And we went to Ikea yesterday for some stuff to make our bedroom more cozy... i'm going to spent a lot of time in there soon, so i want it to be a comfortable place... 

Well, time to call it a day, but before i hit the 'publish now' button, i want to thank you all for your kind comments and emails! It's so good to know that you care and think about me... that really get's me trough the day!!!

Where to begin...

Well, of course the reason for this post is you... the reader of this blog.

For you who stop by here,  it must have been a disappointing visit these last few weeks... not much action on 'Life and Scrapping'... even more because i started very enthusiastically on Shimelles 'Learn something new every day' class, and maybe you were hoping to see more pages than the few i posted.  I did manage to make many more, but they did not make it to the blog...

At first i was just to busy keeping on track with the class, and couldn't find the time to photograph and post my pages... but after a week or so i found myself not feeling well... my breasts felt uncomfortable and the glands in my armpits hurt... soon after i detected a little spot in my right breast that felt a bit sore... well, by now you've guessed already where this is going to: a week ago i was diagnosed with breast cancer. 

Bad news, shocking, but not totally unexpected, to be honest...

Somehow i've thought about this all my life. My mother had it too, when i was very young... (she didn't survive, but it was detected very late.) And i carried that with me as long as i can remember... i could not imagine that i wouldn't get breast cancer too...

Well, that moment has come... and i'm scared, and confused... and waiting to hear what's the best way to treat this... finding out how to handle this... and fighting it...

I hope i can manage to scrap about this, because i've found out before that it's  very therapeutic to put my thoughts, day to day worries or every day life creatively down on paper... so maybe the next few post will not be that fun to read... but i hope that you stay with me...

Pages 4, 5, 6 and 7...

Man, it has been a hot day today... actually a bit too hot to sit in my studio this evening, cause the heat is still hanging in here like a huge set of wet bed sheets hanging out to dry, if you know what i mean... but with my little white retro fan on it's kind of possible to write this long (don't say that i didn't warn you) post!

Lot's of entries for LSNED to share, so here we go...

Page 4 was about keeping it random ore more specific, like writing about a topic in a broad way, ore pinning it down to the details...
I decided to take the 'specific route'...

 

It's very simple, with some text printed on the picture, and some staples (i'm the happy owner of Tim's wonderful tiny attacher!) and stitching... and a piece brown lace to finish it of!

Oh, and i had some very old rub-ons from KI memories... that white row of  numbers just makes the difference (if you put your glasses on, wink!)...
Anyway, simple design or not, it tells the story and that what's matters...

The topic of page 5 was: lessons that keep coming back as a continual process... something that we've to remind ourselves often to be mindful...

Good subject to make an entry about, but not for me, not on September 5th... well, see for yourself...

What a story... can't believe it myself actually, although i've been there... (and Mika was there and no doubt she will rub this in for the next ten years to come!!!) I'm always very (over) structured, so completely forgetting the whole 'train ticket purchasing thing' is still a bit shocking to me...

Anyway... i bought the ticket in the end, and tucked it behind the journalingcard as proof...

On to page 6, were we could think about what we could learn from others, in addition to our first hand experiences...

Good thing that Stach choose those new shoes with laces (!! only zipper- or Velcro shoes 'till this moment) at the shoe store that day... he can't tie his own shoes yet, so i got to see the start of that whole learning experience up close!

And page 7 at last: "what have you once know, but could certainly do with a refresher course?"
Well, that was a very easy question...

But a hard lesson to learn, that's for sure!!!

Entry 8 is already on it's way, but i'll keep that one for tomorrow!
Have a good night!

Page 3... and some shopping...

It has been a busy weekend (always a long one for me, because Monday is my day off)...

On Saturday the always lovely Mika and i had a much needed day off from the kids... and what better to do (besides having coffee at Starbucks -Yeah, we finally have our own Starbucks here in Utrecht... insert a happy dance!-) than plan a trip to our 'local' scrapbook store!

The trip took just a little more time than we anticipated (see for this story page 5 for LSNED... i'll post that one tomorrow!), but it was worth it... man, what a fabulous shop... all the SB products are displayed só beautifully, mixed with useful or fun color coordinated items for the home...  a true feast for the eye...

And yes, we didn't go home empty handed...

I tried to buy only those products that are a useful addition to my LSNED class stash... so lot's of pink and a little brown here... and i found the 1 1/4" wires for my bind it all! A happy moment, cause i've searched for those for a long time!

Then it was up to Zeist for me, to celebrated oma Annette's birthday. We had a lovely family dinner, and headed home way to late...

Not much time left to work on my entries for LSNED, so i tried to make up for that on Sunday. I managed to finish two pages...
The topic of page 3 was:  'what have you learned from your feet'...  it could have been some learning experiences on places were we've been too, but i chose to take a more literal approach...

Because it's getting dark early in the evening here nowadays, the colors in the picture are not exactly as the original... the background is actually off white... but you get the point, right?

I'm happy to say that sewing on my pages is much more fun than a few month ago;  my very old sewing machine was replaced by a brand new model...  it's always at the ready, so stitching on that piece of paper lace was done in no time... it adds just a little extra, don't you think?

I'm proud to announce that i'm totally up to speed with my entries... page 7 is tucked away in my album already!!! I'll show page 4 - 7 tomorrow... it's way to late now!!
Time to go to bed!

Second page...

As promised... the second page for LSNED...

The background color is actually a bit less grey, but you'll couldn't care less that this picture isn't exactly as the original, now do you?

There's some journaling hidden behind the pink 'border'... that white  'note to self' circle is the tab to pull out the whole story...

At first i didn't know how to tell the story, because i didn't took a photo of that totally not important situation. (I mean, do you take pictures of stupid things like rubbish bags? Right... you don't...) But after i jotted down the whole story  i was able to capture the learning experience in one sentence... and then it was easy to find a matching picture (of me, doing something that a love) in one of my computer files...
And i'm quiet happy how this page turned out...

For my entry of today i did take a picture...
it has something to do with shoes, so stay tuned!

First page...

My first page for my Learn Something New Every Day album is the title page...

Thought it was a good idea to keep my main 'learning goal' for this class right up front, so i can stay focused during the whole class...

And a few close ups for those of you who want to explore every single detail of the page...

Yep, still love to play with eyelets...

and staples...

Well, that's it for now... first one down, just 31 more pages to go!
The second one is almost done, so i'll be back with more pics tomorrow!

Have a good night!